A talk with my Oma followed by laying in bed awake far later than I had hoped, led me to this realization: I would not be alive if Adolf Hitler had never been born.
Baby Hitler
My Oma’s family came to Canada after WWII. My Oma was saying that the only reason her father chose to leave Germany was because of his hatred for Hitler and the Nazis. Otherwise, they might have stayed in Germany. Thus, my Oma never would have met my Opa, my father would have never been born, therefore he would have never met my mother and thus I would never have been born. If Hitler had never existed, I would most likely not be alive.
My mother went to university in Nova Scotia, but then decided to return here to finish her degree, which is where she met my father. I used to like to think back on the series of events that created my existence, and be thankful that my mom was homesick and so returned to Ontario. It meant that any mistakes I might make would only contribute to my future self, and that I’d be entirely different if I had not made them.
I never before have traced the events quite back this far. And this bothers me. Perhaps because I can’t look back and say, “Oh well, this mistake just contributed to my existence!” when it wiped out that of many, many, many others. I can’t very well say my life is worth the lives lost at the hands of Hitler.
I should write a movie script about this. I have a chance to go back in time and ensure Hitler was never born (the details of how exactly I would do this aren’t ironed out yet), but it will cost me my existence. And that of my father, my uncle, my cousins and my sister. I suppose movies like this have already been made and the lesson has always been not to toy with history. But usually it’s some small tragedy – like don’t go back and save your girlfriend because it’ll mess everything up. Can anything get more messed up than the Holocaust? Probably not; at least not on a grand scale. But my life would be messed up – that is, gone.
I suppose I shouldn’t let this bother me, because the good news is I’ll never be faced with the decision and will never have to learn what my decision would be. I just feel a bit guilty that my life is so happy and safe and privileged and I never would have had any of this if it weren’t for Hitler, who destroyed the lives of so many other people and basically altered society.
Reading over the title of this post (a Carl Jung quote, by the way), I feel a bit obnoxious. In no way do I think that the chaos and disorder created by Hitler’s life was all a secret cosmic plan leading up to my life. Unless maybe I’m supposed to do something really important. Like give birth to the second coming of Christ. But I doubt that.
I don’t really know why I posted this. I can’t really articulate what thoughts have been triggered by this discovery. It’s just a bit bizarre to discover that your life depends on the most prominent figure of evil of Western civilization.
Sorry – what I thought was a profound insight into the chaos of existence turned out to be a rather mundane musing that didn’t go anywhere. I guess that’s what you get in the wee hours of the morning.
